Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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