I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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