It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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