i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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