Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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