Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
