Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
