highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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