I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
