I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
