Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Send help, water and tortillas.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
