about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
