I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
