She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize