i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
