Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
