Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
