Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
