I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
