Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
