Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This baby is an asshole
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
