dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
