I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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