we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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