my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
