Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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