So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
