I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
