Can i not drive my cunt home
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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