I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
