If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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