ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
