whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
