at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
