I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
