Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
