I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
