i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
