You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
