hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
