Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
