wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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