I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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