ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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