Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
