found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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