i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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