Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
