1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
