i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
