you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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