My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
