where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
