i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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