I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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