apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
