shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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