what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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