yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
