I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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