Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
