found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
