He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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