a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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