It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
