If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
