he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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