i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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