"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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