Fine. I'll sleep in my office
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
