Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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