So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize