I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
