the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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