At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
