as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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