hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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