I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
