Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
