Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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