you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
sarcasm needs its own font
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
