I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
