You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
