A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
