Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.

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(845): View more from New York

its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth

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(785): View more from Kansas

Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..

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(770): View more from Georgia

She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?

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(615): View more from Tennessee

At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.

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(586): View more from Michigan

I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."

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