i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
