Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
im calling her cock vulture from now on
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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