Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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