Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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