my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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