he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
