What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
