he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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