Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Randomize
