Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
me + whiskey = a bad person
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
