Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
