You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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